I'm A Bad Man

Yohji. *inhale* Yamamoto. *inhale* Sale. *inhale* Bargain. *inhale* Bin. *inhale* Prices. Bought. *inhale* Jacket. *collapses from hyperventilation in fabulous jacket*

A Guide to Modern Air Travel

So as all of you have probably gathered, I have made my annual, trans-global migratory flight to the warmer climes of my hometown in Australia. As a veteran of long haul air travel I thought I'd share some tips and experiences for those of you less acquainted with the not so friendly skies:

1. Always (and I mean ALWAYS) travel with some sort of sedative. Ideally, one should have a variety of different types in order to cope with the myriad of unpleasant experiences one has to encounter on a long haul flight. For instance, in order to better handle the chaos at the check-in desk at JFK, have half a benzodiazepine on the way to the airport. I found this to be especially helpful when dealing with the vagina dentata at the British Airways counter who refused to let me take a medium sized Barneys shopping bag filled with Christmas presents and a pair of shoes as a piece of carry on luggage in addition to the chic (but appropriately sized) canvas weekend travel bag I was carrying. This is DESPITE the fact that all travellers are officially allowed to carry one piece of appropriately sized carry on luggage AND a laptop bag. But thanks to the magic of klonopin, I maintained my sunny disposition and proceeded to cheerfully suffer the indignity of having to unwrap the presents and jam them into my only piece of hold luggage, whilst at the same time remove the Birkenstock Birki clogs I was wearing (they make passing through security checkpoints a breeze) and put on the deer skin Trippen boots (which happen to be more inconvenient at security but more than several orders of magnitude) I was carrying the in Barneys bag. The gift boxes, sparkly wrapping and Birki clogs were then handed to said vagina for immediate disposal.

2. Once you are herded on board the plane, take the time to change into some soft stretchy fleecy pants and a light cashmere sweater before the overzealous flight attendants ensure that you are firmly ensconced in your economy class seat. As the plane is taxing onto the runway, chase down another sedative (again preferably xanax, valium or klonopin) with a glass of white wine (or sparkling if you can manage it). This will keep you in the relaxed and happy state you are already in and will in all probability transform you into the most devastatingly charming passenger the cabin. Now this is of vital importance as a well seduced flight attendant is one who will sneak you glasses of Krug and Taittinger, and fancy magazines from first class throughout the entire flight.

3. Having enjoyed the good booze and the in-flight entertainment, its now time to load up on the stuff thats going to render you unconcious for a good few hours. Before doing so however, you may wish to make an optional trip to the bathroom, stick three fingers down your throat and throw up the overcooked, 5 day old sludge they call 'economy class cuisine. Remember, its not your fault that there isnt an international protocol protecting the gastronomic rights of air travellers. Moreover, bulimia doesnt exist at 36,000 feet. With your stomach cleared and your teeth freshly cleaned with the cute little mini toothbrush from in flight amenities kit, its time to settle in for your benzo induced mini coma. For those of you wary of the numerous side effects and habit forming potential of benzodiazepines you might want to get your hands on something like Ambien, Stillnox or Lunesta as a means of losing consciousness.

4. Upon regaining consciousness, check the location of your plane and the remaining time left in your journey via your personal video monitor. If you are more than 5 hours away from your destination, take another doll, re-adjust your eye mask and inflatable neck cushion (I recommend the ones by Muji, they are affordable and are made with 100% soft cotton and not the crappy nylon that the airlines try to foist upon us) and go back to sleep. You should aim to regain consciousness about two to three hours before arrival during which you can rehydrate, perform some standing yoga stretches in the small area next to the emergency exit and freshen up in the restroom.

5. Provided that you have not overdosed or injured yourself by sleeping in an awkward position, you should be fresh as a daisy upon arrival.

Ciao Bello

Click here for Mike and Ange's Wedding Photos

Christmas Wish List

1. Haute Joaillerie


2. A Globe Trotter Suitcase


3. Cracked Egg (blue) by Jeff Koons


4. The Red Eyed Tribe by Chiho Aoshima


5. This outfit from Yohji Yamamoto


6. A Stuffed Chair by the Campana Brothers


7. A Goyard Trunk filled with Assouline books




8. A Cartier Santos Watch (the slimmer version)

We All Scream for Ice Cream

Gird your loins people! Only 6 more sleeps until I'm back in Australia!!!

To Dream the American Dream

I got a $3000 credit card from Design Within Reach (a hoity toity designer furniture store) a couple of days ago. I'm going to invest in a memory foam mattress. Lets hope i dont look anywhere near as wanky sleeping on my new bed as this guy

Haute

Robotic, romantic and absolutely breathtaking. Hussein Chalayan drags us kicking and screaming into future. Let us pray that our wallets and waistlines are sufficiently sized to endure his revolution.

Defunct 80's Pop Trio Seize Fiji in Bloodless Coup

There Must Be A Clover in the Atmosphere

New York got its first real day of winter weather today - the temperature dropped to a toasty -8 degrees C (and thats NOT including wind-chill bitches) - making my morning commute even more intolerable than it already is. While I am a largely fan of the 6 (for those of you who've never been to New York, the 6 runs south from the Bronx, through Spanish Harlem and the Upper East Side, all the way downtown), with its well lit stations and shiny new trains, the moment things start to get a bit frosty the carriages become overrun with try-hard gangsta types in their hideous do-rags and ridiculously oversized puffy leather jackets which take up about four times the space of a reasonably sized human being. Imagine being pressed up against an expanse of poor quality (p)leather worked in such a way that it spells "Gangsta" in different colored strips and then accentuated with rhinestones on every cross seam. Or better yet, a highly detailed quilted rendition of Al Pacino's ugly mug in a deep brown vinyl (for all you chulos out there). Now if these things just looked bad, i could simply close my eyes, and imagine myself in a place far far away but what really ruins my morning is the smell. The smell of cheap imitation cologne ("if you like the smell of eternity by calvin klien, you'll like....") masking the stench of stale beer intermingled with the earthy pungency of cigarettes and pot. Kinda like the Malboro man after a 4 day bender in a Mexican whorehouse.

How I look forward to the day when I can afford car service.

Do You Like My Sense of Style?

After all these years, this remains one of my favourite music videos

A Thought for the Holiday Season

Some sage advice from AA Gill of the Sunday Times:

"Always remember that the whole point of gift-giving is the pleasure, satisfaction and philanthropic self-esteem of the giver. The key to gift wellness and being a good receiver is to understand that it is, in fact, you who is doing the giving."

What the Hell Has Happened to Nelly Futarado?

Looks like she's been hitting the plastic surgery pretty hard. Poor thing looks like she's been lifted and filled to the wrong side of pneumatic. Watch out boys and girls, I think we have a proto-Wildenstein on our hands here.

Friday Night Lights

Went to see the new bond flick with Johnny and Renee tonight. Daniel Craig produces a visceral, truly masculine Bond, all muscular and heaving and debonair at the same time. The film itself is rather smashing too. I might be showing my age but theres really nothing like a well built thirty-something with a good english accent and a sleek aston martin to get one's pulse racing. I'm shaken AND stirred.

Retail Madness

My friend Akio and I are planning to camp out in the early morning on Nov 9 for Viktor & Rolf's H&M line. If anybody wants anything, let me know. I'll be back home in a month and a half.

Motor Vehicles Kill the Darndest Things

I won a free drink tonight at Nowhere. I was the first person to correctly characterise the costume of the individual of interest. The words I uttered were:

Roadkill Unicorn

The Gods Must Be Smiling

I saw Ethan Hawke today AND found $7 just lying on the street.



Ethan + Cash =

Don't Take Any Shit from the Zeitgeist

I loathe hipsters. They happen to be the coolest thing since sliced bread and I can't for the life of me work out why.
It is a look leaden with postmodern ennui, that has neither the energy and ideology of punk and grunge nor the exuberance of the avante garde. Boredom and self awareness squeezed into a skinny jean.

In a New York state of Mind

So its 2:20AM and ive spent the evening having drinks and catching up with one of my best friends from school anja. The evening itself was nice enough but what was absolutely amazing was the cab ride home. I caught a cab on the corner of Greenwich and Spring and we drove uptown via 8th avenue, passing through Chelsea and Hells Kitchen. Then we hung a right at 65th street, crossing Central Park in all its night-time glory with a spectacular view of midtown on my right. We then took a left on madison, driving through all the high end boutiques *le sigh* up till 74th street, where I instructed the cabdriver to drop me off. Walking east towards my apartment I couldn't help thinking about how much I absolutely adore New York. I really can't imagine being anywhere else in the world right now.

Spam!

So check this out, I got this ridiculous piece of spam as a comment on my Catwalk Report

lewisgibson78396967 said...

hey, I just got a free $500.00 Gift Card. you can redeem yours at Abercrombie & Fitch All you have to do to get yours is Click Here to get a $500 free gift card for your backtoschool wardrobe

10:39 AM

You know what lewisgibson78396967? You can take your fucking $500 Aberfuckingcrombie & Fitch card and shove it right up your fucking arse. It's a stupid, poor quality label for stupid, poor quality Americans. Do yourself a favour and spend the money on a nice pair of Junya Watanabe trousers. And dont you (or anyone else for that matter) ever dare sully my blog with this shite.

Damn these gimmicky chain stores. Damn them all to hell!

Jon's Catwalk Report - Paris Ready to Wear S/S 2007 : Part I

Having learned the valuable lesson that instant messaging when combined with gay, alcoholic republican congressmen allows for all manner of saucy and pederastic hijinx, I find myself in a contemplative mood, eager to consider matters of deep importance. Thats right folks! Its time for another Catwalk report!

So lets get one thing straight. Women's fashion begins and ends in Paris. As of right now, no other city comes close to being as relevant in terms of determining what we should and - more importantly - want to wear. For all the chic sportswear, sublime tailoring and exquisite quality that New York, Milan and London have to offer, it is Paris that the world turns to for ideas.

One person who has been responsible for some of the most profound and challenging ideas in fashion for the past two decades is Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garcons. Here she offers us a wonderfully nuanced view of cut and construction, combining satin and tulle in geometric shapes that are at once aggresive and romantic.


Ms Kawakubo demands that we think about beauty in a less self interested and selfish way. Rather than perceiving fashion as simply a means to make ourselves more attractive to others or ourselves , she asks that we appreciate a shape or proportion on its own merits, to liberate ourselves from ego driven desires for a smaller waist or a bigger bust and to simply marvel at how a structured jacket dissolves into a cascade of gathered silk tulle.



What ultimately elevates a piece of fashion above and beyond a high end luxury commodity is its ability to convey an emotion, a thought, a sensibility. Ms Kawakubo understands this and we must learn from her example.


Perhaps the singularly most influential designer working at the moment is Nicolas Ghesquiere at Balenciaga. As the pieces below demonstrate, Mr Ghesquiere undestands modernity and futurism better than anybody working in fashion. Rather than devolving into kitsch and pastiche (ala the Jetsons) Mr Ghesquiere offers us a real glimpse into what is to come.

What distinguishes these pieces from anything that is served up in New York or Milan is the fact that they are new. This isn't mid-90's science fiction reheated and served in a tinfoil covered casserol dish. This is the future baby, and we all want in.

Stay tuned for the next installment!!

Beam Me Up Scotty

Its 2:30 am and I've just spent 15 hours cranking out a LaTeX Beamer presentation. I feel a
little something like this:

You Are What You Eat

Someone needs to make this stop. Now.

When You're 21, You're No Fun

Went to see Ladytron tonight. Johnny was nice enough to get me tickets for my birthday. They were the sex.

Brainstormin

So I find myself at the start of my third year in grad school with nearly all my required coursework completed about to embark upon my first piece of significant academic research. After two years of punishing qualifying exams and field requirements I stand ready to contribute to the total sum of human knowledge. What that contribution is exactly remains to be seen, but here's what I've got so far.

A couple of professors got me thinking about the relationship between volume and volatility in financial time series. Now one of the most well documented features of financial data is the fact that asset returns exhibit volatility clustering. This means that large changes in asset prices tend to be followed by large changes (and likewise for small changes), resulting in periods of high volatility and low volatility.

In order to capture this phenomena, a statistical model called ARCH was developed in the early 80's by Robert Engle, currently a professor at the Stern School of Business (NYU). ARCH (and its variants) parameterizes the conditional variance of a stationary time series (typically an asset return) as an autoregressive process, thereby allowing for serial dependence in volatility. Now this points to a deeper, more economic question. Why does ARCH exist? More specifically, what are the economic mechanisms which cause the magnitude of price changes to be serially correlated?

Perhaps a plausible explaination for the presence of ARCH is the idea that volatility clustering is merely a manifestation of the rate of information arrival in financial markets. The existing research indicates that information itself may be a serially correlated process, so that market participants receive information in temporal 'lumps' as opposed to an independent random stream. The reaction of market participants to these information lumps cause asset prices to fluctuate thereby resulting in volatility clustering. Therefore, to understand the information arrivals process is to understand ARCH. The problem faced by the economist and econometrician is the fact that the rate of information arrival is largely an unobservable (latent) process which introduces difficulties in econometric modelling (how does one devise a statistical model for something that one cannot observe?).

That said, the idea of information flow also points to the behavior of trade volume. Unlike volatility, the issue of trade volume has not been well explored but it is clear that the two are inextricably linked. One need only think about the basic ideas of supply and demand to see this.

So my first step is to get my hands dirty and have a look at some volume data. Wish me luck!

More Madness

I really really want this silver trenchcoat.I think I've completely lost the plot.

Happy Snaps

Am back in new york now. Click here for my happy snaps

Jon's European Adventure - Part IV: Weekend At Bernie's

So Ive spent the past six days or so with two old friends from Melbourne Uni (thats college to you crazy Americans) burning through the French motorways at breakneck speeds in a Mini Cooper S. As crazy as it may sound, I must admit that a lot could be said for sharing a small british race car with two cantankerous bastards intent on smoking, drinking and cussing their way through the French countryside. We made our way from Bordeaux - which was deemed a 'stankin boghole' - to the Midieval town of Sarlat and then through to Burgundy where we stayed for three nights at a lovely bread and breakfast. Our first night in Marsannay (a small village on the outskirts of Dijon) was spent dining on amazingly rich foies gras and duck breast at Les Gourmets, a one michelin star restaurant. Inspired by good french cooking we spent the next evening at the three michelin star rated Benard Loiseau where we dropped a small fortune on Tattinger champagne and a most delectable 8 course degustation.

After spending a day recovering from good food poisoning, we got back in the Mini and drove through the French Alps back into Italy, stopping periodically in order to allow me to wander into the mountainside and spin around, arms outstretched ala Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. We spent the evening at another wonderful bread and breakfast run by a charming but disturbingly muscular french woman by the name of Claude who served us a very delicious four course meal which we ate surrounded by her husband's antique coffee grinder and cowbell collection.

Right now Im in a seaside town called Lerici, just around the corner from Cinque Tierre and La Spezia. Ill be spending the rest of my holiday here before heading back to New York on September 11th. Stay Tuned!

Jon's European Adventure - Part 3 : Bonjourrr, Ya Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys

Am currently in an internet cafe in Sarlat, so this will be a quick one.

Arrived in Paris a couple of nights ago and proceeded to spend the next 20 hours shopping and carousing in the Marais. Picked up a fantastic pair of shoes from Trippen but resisted the temptation to drop nearly 500 euros on a delectable Dior sweater at Collette, a painfully chic boutique thrumming with smooth beats, beautiful shop boys and wonderful clothes that one selects not from vulgar racks but several mannequins scattered around the floor. I really miss having a disposable income. Le sigh indeed.

Ill be spending the next few days crammed in the back of a Mini Cooper zooming through the French countryside with my friends Mike and Mark. Stay Posted!!

Jon's European Adventure - Part 2: How Much Wine Can A Ching Chong Chug if A Ching Chong Could Chug Wine

Fearing that I may have worn out my welcome in Florence after a week-long orgy of wine, cheese, proscuitto, salami and gelati, I, ever the intrepid hedonist, hopped on a train (a most civilised and agreeable form of transportation) and fled north to Turin where I met up with my classmate Pietro and his incredibly delightful girlfriend Francesca. I cannot even begin to describe the magnitude of their hospitality as I find myself luxuriating within the confines of a gorgeous sprawling triplex apartment in the heart of the city. I can only hope that I may one day be able to return the favor.

Compared to Florence, Turin is an altogether different beast, replete with wide imperial avenues and grand municipal buildings. I spent the afternoon wandering around the largely empty streets (this is high summer in Italy after all) with my wonderful hosts and indulging in a spot of retail therapy. After an uncharacteristic bout of indecision at the Mandarina Duck store - which i left empty handed - I managed to pick up a beautiful (and quite reasonably priced, if I were a russian oil baron) black Costume National sweater with a rather interesting shawl-like collar. Realising that I was on the verge of a cashmere induced coma following my purchase, Pietro and Francesca were wise enough to take me back home and stuff me with Pesto Lasagne and red wine.

Well thats all from me for now. One more day in Turin then im off to Paris for my birthday! Stay tuned for Part 3.

Jon´s European Adventure - Part I : Florence

In fear of burning out after enduring yet another hectic and stressful year at the hands of the merciless NYU Department of Economics, I have decided to remove myself to more salubrious surrounds, exchanging the hustle and bustle of Manhattan for the languorous European countryside.

After the obligatory nightmare of security checkpoints, flight delays, economy class air travel and one particularly mad sprint between the terminals of Charles de Gaulle, during which I inadvertantly clobbered (and quite possibly maimed) a small child with my Tumi suit bag, I find myself basking in the glorious Florentine sunlight.

As to be expected, Florence is beautiful, with its narrow medieval streets and buildings suffused with brilliant, gorgeous light that is at times, almost too much to bear. My first night was spent drinking on the banks of the Arno with my gracious host Karel (a fellow econ PhD student studying at the European University Institute). Sufficiently intoxicated, we wandered the empty streets until we came across the back entrance of a bakery a few hours before dawn where we purchased and consumed the most amazing italian pastries. Quite frankly, I could get used to this life.

Thats all from me for now! I shall remain in Florence until the 28th. Next stop Turin! Stay tuned for the next installation of Jon´s European Adventure!!

My Hero

Carine Roitfeld, editor of French Vogue

What's Wrong With American Fashion

There is little doubt that America remains the single most dominant force in the world today. In addition to being the largest and most dynamic developed economy in the world, America enjoys a political and cultural hegemony that spans politics, the sciences and popular culture. So why do I find myself so underwhelmed by American fashion despite having lived in New York for two years? Why is it that this nation, so rich and deeply committed to supporting the arts - like its universities the major museums and galleries in America are by and large privately funded and operated - has yet to produce spectacular and profound fashion design in the same way that it dominates business or academic research?

I Think I'm In Love

All hail Ze Frank



the show with zefrank

Oh the Humanity

Its like Disney gone horribly horribly wrong.

Drunk and Disorderly

After having one too many Jager shots last night at the Cock, I decided to grab my camera and wander around the upper east side. Here are the results.

A Little Bit of Thinspiration

Jon's Catwalk Report - Paris Haute Couture Part II

As tensions escalate in the middle east following the death and kidnap of 9 Israeli soldiers in a Hezbollah raid, let us continue our excursion into this season's Paris couture collections.

Let's first have a look at Karl Lagerfeld's collection for Chanel. As one of the twin engines of couture (the other being John Galliano) , Mr Lagerfeld has managed to achieve a rare feat in haute couture, profitability. Unlike Mr Galliano, who challenges us with his extreme proportions and line, Mr Lagerfeld has taken it upon himself to demonstrate the relevance and modernity of couture. He typically achieves this through his exquisite and innovative daywear, constantly reinventing the ubiquitous Chanel suit in a dizzying array of permutations. This season he offers us a new silhouette via a reconstructed shoulder. After years of razor thin tailoring and cutting jackets high on the armpit, Lagerfeld has dropped the shoulder slightly, letting it stand away from the body, giving a rounded, softer shape. This should not however, be perceived as an opportunity for a bit of weight gain. As Kylie Minogue reminds us, the average woman still needs a good few rounds of chemotherapy to look good in Chanel.





















































































Mandatory weight loss aside, one cannot help but marvel at the modernity of Mr Lagerfeld's work. The skinny denim boots and leggings imbue the outfits with a chic rocker sensibility, espcially when paired with a beautiful red coat or a navy tunic replete with a tulle train . Who would have thought that a cadaverous German man in his mid 70's be so darn cool? Then again, perhaps I have just answered my own question.





















































































Next, we have Riccardo Tisci's creations for the venerable house of Givenchy. It is clear that Mr Tisci is very capable of producing beautiful pieces (see the beige wool felt top immediately below) but one gets the sense that he has yet to hit his stride.
















































































Like Mr Lagerfeld, Tisci is obsessed with modernity, turning out fur panelled dresses in tulip shapes and keeping his palette to a strict monochrome. However, where Mr Lagerfeld gets us all to groove along to his bejewelled punk rock beat, Mr Tisci drops a piano with the word "Modern" painted all over it on us. It is clear that he has yet to master the disparate elements of couture enough to produce something that is truly greater than the sum of its parts. Nevertheless, it can only be a matter of time before we see something truly amazing from Mr Tisci.

























































And that's all from me for now! Stay tuned for the ready to wear collections in a couple of months. In the mean time, watch this space!