Oh, Barack. There there. We know your suit is too big for you! Just look at those bulging shoulder pads, the gaping arm holes and the oppressive, heavy sacky-ness of it all! Nobody deserves an ill fitting suit. Nobody. Homegirl needs some new threads and I know exactly where to find em! Yes boys and girls a new season is upon us and its time for another catwalk report!!!
So let's have a look at what's on offer from the catwalks of Milan. Now im not usually a fan of spring/summer collections and it is for one reason and one reason only. Pastels. Year in year out designers have seen it fit to send out legions of male models out on the runway in namby pamby baby blues and pink seersucker and washed out lime green bermuda shorts. Makes me want to puke. But at last, Christopher Bailey has heard and felt my pain (proof that
The Secret is for real reals y`alls) and created a collection that says "fuck you lame arse pastels and watered down tones, we're gonna have a party instead!"
Clean lines, slim fits and insanely saturated color. Thats the kind of summer I want! Now we all might not have the kind of skin tones that'll go with these outfits, but lord knows we should all just TRY! And even if that doesnt work out we can always wimp out and wear something like this instead:
Now we all know that I'm of the opinion that for the evening, a fella's got to sparkle a bit. Well ok, a lot. So taking a cue from Rei Kawakubo's metallic 2007 spring/summer Mr Bailey has decided to amp up the bling
Theres something kinda hot about having a coat that you need a pair of sunglasses to wear with to shade you from the glare. Repeat after me everybody, lets send out those crazy vibes of desire into space! "Gold, Alligator Trench", "Gold, Alligator Trench".
I know, I know. One can't look all cracked out batshit crazy ALL the time. We've gotta have our classy, subdued moments too. Thats where Costume National comes in:
I do love a plunging neckline. On a fine linen/wool/cashmere knit, it gives off that yummy slouchy wintry vibe without any of the layers and bulk! And I must say, its kind of cool with a shirt and a tie too for those of us without adequately chiseled torsos to expose.
It goes to show, when you're too depressed/hung over/lazy to really give a crap about what you're wearing, always have a pile of classy, slouchy neutrals on hand. Just chuck em on and voila! Ennui at its sexiest! Stay tuned for the next post! We're off to Paris soon!
